I fought and struggled as they hauled me across the ground, I was slammed up against the side of the van, my arms were pulled back and held tight as someone tied them roughly behind my back. They turned me round and pushed me into the van, forced me to kneel on the floor then pushed my head down, I can not begin to describe the fear and panic I was feeling at this point,( in fact I’m shaking whilst writing this) I felt someone bearing down on me holding the blanket fast on my head all the while. The doors slammed, I heard the engine start up. I don’t know how long we were driving for, my knees were aching I tried to stretch them out but every time I moved the guy pinning me down pushed me harder to the floor.

My mind was trying frantically to catch up, was this for real? What were they going to do to me? At this point I wanted to cry but I was so frozen with fear the tears wouldn’t come.

The van eventually stopped, the doors opened, I waited expecting to be hauled out but instead some headphones were put over my ears, I could hear a strange voice being played through them, but I couldn’t focus on it and didn’t hear what was being said apart from the last few words, “stamp your feet twice to confirm you understand” What should I do?? In my head I was screaming I don’t fucking know what it said!!! So I did nothing, I just lay their confused and panicking, someone grabbed my foot to force me to stamp but I kicked out in terror, with that the door was slammed shut and the van sped off. Oh please let this be my present….please don’t let this be for real!!! Then fear washed over me as I remembered the words “She will pay for this”

he van sped along, every so often flying round a corner making me grip harder with my knees to keep myself stable, my knees were aching now, they were hunched under my body, my arse in the air, my upper body and head still being pinned heavily to the floor, oh how I yearned to stretch out!!!

My mind was still racing, I was still finding it very hard to focus, everything had happened so quickly, one minute I was all snuggled up in my coat sleeping the next I’m being dragged out of the car!! Where were we going?? What were they going to do to me?? Who were they??

Being deprived of my sight made all of my other senses very acute, I was trying to hear anything familiar, anything to put my fear to rest, but no one made a sound, all I could hear was the sound of the engine and my heart thumping!!! I was, at this point, finding it a struggle to breath due to the man leaning on top of me and the sheer fear factor!! I suddenly felt the van skid to a halt, my body moved forward in response. I heard the driver get out, and waited for the inevitable, the van door to open. The man pinning me down suddenly got up, dragging me along the van at the same time, pulling me out, my legs almost buckled under me as I stood, I could feel the cold damp ground beneath my feet, I remember thinking at the time..God I wish I had kept my shoes on!!

Next the blanket was pulled from my head only to be replaced immediately by a hood, OMG no not a hood, please don’t do this to me, I started hyperventilating, “get the hood off me now!!” “Fucking take it off” “I can’t breath” With that someone grabbed my hair and pushed my head against the side of the van , the hood was pulled off, I breathed a huge sigh of relief but that was short lived, suddenly I felt someone taping my head, over and over, till my eyes were covered, then it went under my chin and was about to go over my mouth, panic once again took over I screamed “ not my mouth don’t put it over my mouth I won’t be able to breath ( I have never been able to cope with gags) II was turned round sharply my back pushed against the van now, I felt someone’s hand gripping my throat forcing my head back, then their finger was pushed against my lips indicating to me to keep very quiet, he pushed it so hard I thought he was going to knock my teeth out, just to be sure I understood he slapped me hard twice across my face, I tried to shout out…ok ok..but it only came out in a whisper, I had got the message I had to stay quiet. At this point I was still wearing my nice warm coat, underneath all I had on was the tiniest pvc dress, a thong and holdups, why oh why hadn’t I changed back to my jeans after the after party *sigh*

Suddenly the hand released my throat, once again I was pulled round, I then felt someone gripping the shoulders of my coat trying to pull it off me, I struggled, I kept twisting and turning trying to shrug them off, the coat was yanked from my shoulders and pulled down as far as it could go, my tied hands prevented it coming off completely, I then felt someone pulling the bottom of my coat up and twisting it through my tied hands, I was then once again pushed up against the van. I felt so vulnerable and so so scared!!!